Yesterday, I spoke to someone regarding the emotional roller coaster that I have been on. This person was neither friend nor family and I found that I could open up completely without worrying about being judged. I could express exactly how I have been feeling and not feel as if I would be considered weak, or ungrateful for my blessings, or silly by my friends or family. I felt like I could peel off this poker face and just let all my emotions spill out in one ugly pile.
I talked about how I sometimes feel as if I have no purpose in my day. I talked about how I feel sad because I can not walk or provide for myself like I use to. I talked about how difficult it is for me to depend on others to do things that I could previously do myself. I talked about how it frustrates me when my friends and family sometimes talk to me as if I am a child and even though I know it is out of care and concern that it still bothers me. I talked about how frustrating it is to deal with all the doctor appointments and how people don’t really listen. I talked about so many things that I have been keeping bottled up inside because I don’t want to further burden any of my friends and family. I don’t want to be their “Debbie Downer” I cherish my friends and family and I don’t want them to worry about me more than they do so I keep many of my thoughts and fears to myself.
It really, really helped to “vocalize” what I was feeling and it seemed to slow down the chaos that has been swirling around in my head. I wholeheartedly suggest that if you are experiencing anything like I have been feeling that you reach out to someone and start talking…. I am going to keep on talking too. If you wanna talk to me, just let me know and I will make myself available to you….I am not a counselor or certified in anything but I promise you that I know how to listen and sometimes we all need someone to just listen to us without trying to fix us. Someone listened to me yesterday, even through my tears, and I feel that the weight on my shoulders has lifted a little.
