I will start this post by giving thanks to all divisions of our military’s men and women who have previously and/or presently serve our great country.  Thank you for your selflessness!

Today, I am also remembering my old self.   The new me is wrapped around the old me.  I feel sometimes like I am being slowly transformed from the inside out.  That only stands to reason since I was attacked from within.  There are parts of the old me that are disappearing as I heal and grow.  As a light-hearted example, my tendencies toward OCD have begun to fade.  I am learning that there are many things that I can not control and more importantly I have found that the things that I have fought to keep control of really do not matter much at all.

Today, was a good day but I had to fight really hard to shake off the sadness that was lurking at the surface of my emotions.   It was a quiet day at home and I just could not pinpoint what was making me feel sad.   It was late afternoon when I finally broke down and cried.  I was not crying for anything in particular, I just felt sad and didn’t feel like holding it in any longer.   All day long, I had performed busy-work.  Things to keep me busy and distract me from what I was feeling.  I jumped into a good book and got lost in the story and before I knew it, I had finished the book……  With nothing else to distract me (I didn’t feel like doing the dishes – ha!) I decided that I would follow the rule that Jasmine and I enacted for ourselves.  I would allow myself 5-10 minutes of crying then look in the mirror to see how ugly we look when we cry, then laugh at myself and all that ugliness and finally get over myself.  I did exactly that and I felt better.  You know, sometimes we need to just have a release!  So I decided that I’m gonna cry when I wanna cry because sometimes I just need to rinse out my heart.

Somebody pass me the tissues!