Early on the morning of Saturday, February 11, 2017, Jim Rothblatt met me at my house to load my recumbent trike into the back of his truck.  Clouds dotted the sky to the south and the sun was still undecided as to what it was going to do.  The weather was perfect for riding.

In separate cars, Jim and I weaved our way across town to South Palm Canyon where we parked and he unloaded our bikes.  As he unloaded the bikes from his truck, I began to put on my helmet, and set my Strava phone app to record our ride.

Today would be a different type of ride.  Jim is working on perfecting a method of tandem towing which is a way to assist riders, like me, with disabilities to lift the limitations from their riding experience.

For those of you who are not familiar with my story, I suffered a non-traumatic spinal cord injury in 2010 resulting in paraplegia.  My recovery moves at its own pace and I no longer try to dictate or predict progress or outcomes.  I am now content to enjoy the process and am careful not to miss out on enjoying life and all its wonders.

This day of experimentation was one of those days filled with wonder.  Ernie Smith, who rides and electric assist bike, met up with us to help carry out the experiment.  Jim used his idea to connect my recumbent trike to Ernie’s electronic assist bike.  Ernie rode ahead of me and provided me with assistance in areas and on terrain where I was not strong enough to navigate on my own.

Our ride today was recreational in nature, but for me it quickly became quite a bit more.  The therapeutic value of tandem towing should be explored.  There were segments of the ride where my cycling cadence almost felt natural and I didn’t have to think about each revolution of the pedal.

This method of tandem towing opened up an entirely new world for me as a rider.  I got to experience the beauty and serenity of our wonderful desert, gaze up at snow capped mountains while listening to the stream on my right, all while being completely enveloped by the aroma of the creosote bush.

Seriously, how can any one person be more blessed than this!

Yesterday, I made a short road trip to Crafton Hills College which is located in the town of Yucaipa, California.  I’ve always driven past this small town which is off the I-10 on my way to Los Angeles.  It was the first time that I’d ever exited the freeway and what a pleasant surprise.  It is such a scenic town.  If you get the opportunity, go there and explore the scenery with your camera.

Anyway, I was there to cheer on a friend who was trying to get classified as a swimmer in the Paralympics.  I was there with three other friends who were seated in the bleachers (the only available shade in 99 degree heat).  As they talked, I rolled around to take photos of the day’s events and the swimmer that we came to cheer for.  After being assaulted and abused by the relentless sun, I found my way back to the bleachers so that I could put my cameras away and stand up to stretch my back.

I’m not sure if anyone will understand what I am about to attempt to explain but, on five years to the day of the TM onset, it was the first time that I stood up and actually felt my height.  It was the first time in five years that I felt as if I took up space and time.  I didn’t feel diminutive any longer as I stood there holding onto the railing for support.  It was the strangest and most euphoric sensation that I’ve ever felt.  I actually got so overwhelmed with emotion that I had to sit down!

It has been 5 years since my onset date and my road to recovery has been very slow.  I don’t know why my journey has this timeline while others have had short recovery times but I honestly have to say that I no longer care to make comparisons.  I do, however, continue to trust God and recall the words that he whispered to me one night while I was undergoing chemotherapy….  “All is well with you”   He said it, I believe it and one day I will stand and walk on that promise!!!!  Until then I will stand tall through it all feeling every bit of my 5’3″ – lol.

I typically go to physical therapy on Tuesdays and Thursdays but this time my appointment was on a Monday which was different.  That should have been a sign that something different was going to happen.  I started my session by warming up for ten minutes on the stationary bike.  To the right of me was an apparatus that I typically use to help support myself when I use the stepper, however, this day there was a trampoline in front of the apparatus.  While I was riding the stationary bike, I glanced over at it several times and wondered what in the world anyone would do on that and then my thoughts drifted off to other things.

After my time was done on the bike, Kelly my therapist informed me that the trampoline was there for me to use and that we were going to try something new today.  In my mind, I thought “oh shit” Kelly is just crazy!  But she is exactly my kind of crazy.  I love her proactive approach for helping me to move closer to my goal of walking again.

I have to say that I was a little scared but very excited to try this.  I was afraid of failing yet I was excited for potential success.  I got onto the trampoline with Kelly’s help and she instructed me to do squats, being careful of my foot placement and my ankles.  I had to be careful not to roll my ankles.  This exercise would also help my ankle proprioception.  I was surprised that it was so hard to do this exercise.  It required me to think of every move and motion of every rep.  I will never take for granted how easy it is to move any part of the body without having to think about the process.

Anyway, after that set of squats, Kelly instructed me to do another set of squats but to come up quickly from the full squat position.  I said, hmmm, like jumping.  And after a few times of trying, I actually jumped!!!!!!  I jumped and my feet came off of the trampoline!!!!!  Now, I have to say that I was also holding onto bars for stability and balance so it wasn’t a full fledged free jump off the ground but it might as well have been for me!!!!!  I have not jumped in 5 years or more and I was just so elated.

I was overcome with joy and happiness and gratefulness for God’s grace and mercy.  His blessing is all over my life and I am so thankful.  In that moment, I thought of all that I have been through and how much progress I’ve made and I just started to laugh and cry at the same time.

On September 11th, I will have reached the 5 year mark since the onset of Transverse Myelitis and it has been quite the journey!  I’ve met people, gone places and have done things that I never would have done if it had not been for this disability.  And for that I am grateful.

Thank you team UTN (united Therapy Network) for all your hard work and positive encouragement.  You guys rock!!!

WATCH OUT WORLD….. I THINK DOUBLE-DUTCHING IS IN MY FUTURE – LOL

This past week I’ve been feeling somewhat stronger in my core.  For the past several weeks I’ve been attempting to use my walker more when I am at home and going from room to room.  I have chairs strategically set up along my route in case I have to sit down suddenly.  (Thank you Michael Jones for fussing at me to do so!)

Anyway, let me get to the point of my milestone…… This past Wednesday, I decided to try and push the limits a little and when I went from my bed to the restroom, I felt as if I could just hold onto the walker with one hand and take steps…..And what do you know I did it for about 4 steps before I had to hold on with both hands again.

Now I know that this might seem like a very small thing to most people but for all of you out there that realize that this is HUGE, I just want to stop and from the bottom of my heart say thank you to the Lord who has not failed in his promise to heal me!  I also want to thank him for all the angels that he puts in my path to keep me encouraged with love and kindness and sometimes even a good fussing/cussing out!

Yesterday started out as a normal day with me going thru my typical routine of showering, getting dressed, etc.  I had to wash up a few dishes before making breakfast because my lazy butt didn’t wash the dinner dishes from the night before.  Well, I had to empty the dishwasher before adding a new load….  This chore is especially annoying to me because of having to put dishes in the cupboards above my reach.  It is very troublesome to lift myself out of the chair and keep my balance while putting plates, cups, bowls and glasses onto the cupboard shelves.  I was feeling frustrated and thinking about just eating a bowl of cereal so that I didn’t have to deal with any of this.   Instead, I sat there for a few moments and then I thought to myself…  “just try it – just try to stand on your own.”  And I really didn’t want to try because everything seems so hard sometimes and today I just didn’t want to have to deal with a failed attempt to do something.  In spite of what I was thinking, I decided to just try to stand up without using my hands to initiate the upward movement.   It was so hard and it certainly didn’t feel any different than my efforts on any other day…BUT THEN IT HAPPENED…. I felt my body get past the normal sticking point and the upward motion continued.  I was pressing into the ground so hard and squeezing my core muscles as hard as I could.  I said out loud “UP, UP, UP, UP” and I actually stood up!!!!!  It took a long time and I struggled at every movement but it actually all came together!!!!   I thought to myself, “was this a fluke?” so I sat down and attempted to do it again and again I was successful!  I stood at my kitchen counter, sitting down and standing up over and over and over again.  I did it enough times to assure myself that I had indeed conquered a new task.  I was really exhausted after that and didn’t feel like cooking my oatmeal so I decided on cereal after all – lol.

I opened the fridge to get the milk which was on the top shelf.  I stood up and broke down at the same time!   I stood there in the open refrigerator door and began to sob from deep within my soul.  I raised my hands in the air and began to praise and worship God for his never-ending love for me.  I cried because nothing else could release the joy in my spirit for God’s power and his promise of healing.

I cry because I’m happy!  I cry because I’m free!  Thank you God for loving me!

This past week I went to physical therapy on two occasions and at the end of each session, the therapist massaged the muscles in my shoulder and lower back.  I was having so much discomfort and my ability to move around like I normally do felt hindered.   I felt like a tightly wound rubber band and the therapist had no problem finding and honing in on the areas that were giving me problems.

I don’t know about you guys but I think that massage should be an integral part of our plan of care.  I feel like a brand new person right now!

Well, it officially feels like summer here now.  Today’s temperature is suppose to reach 106 degrees and I am certainly not ready for it.  I don’t think I’m ever ready for this desert heat.   Take 106 and top it off with a hot flash and you have the recipe for a raving bitch!  LOL.

Anyway, since the summer heat is upon us, I’ve decided to pull out my shorts and find the ones that still fit me comfortably.   Well, I found a pair and with hesitation wore them to physical therapy today.

I was hesitant for a couple of reasons…. #1.  My poor little legs are so pale and in major need of some sun.  But the second and main reason is that my legs are so skinny (they’ve always been skinny, even before TM – lol) and they lack muscle tone and my skin doesn’t look good.   In spite of those reasons, I decided to wear my shorts anyway!

Well when I got to physical therapy, I passed by a mirror and saw my legs looking back at me!  I had such a hard time maintaining my composure…. I wanted to burst into tears!!!!  I know it  is ridiculous but that is how I felt.  I want to be able to say that it just made me want to work out harder and get my muscle tone back but that was not how I felt.  I couldn’t help but think….  Damn it, does every damn thing have to be a fight!?!!

Ugh!!!  Well, it has been several hours since that scary sight and I am home relaxing and it just occurred to me that in “recovery” there is mostly fighting going on otherwise it wouldn’t be a recovery.  I don’t know if that makes sense but its the best way I can explain coming to terms with this.

My whining for the day is officially over!!! 🙂

TODAY WAS A GREAT DAY!!  I gotta share…..  So, this past week I conquered the task of getting into my car then disassembling my wheelchair and getting those darn pieces into the car over me.  I figured that I would test it out someplace other than my garage so I packed myself up into the car and headed to a furniture store to see if they really did have any great sales for Memorial Day.  Well, I got all the wheelchair pieces assembled and rolled myself into the store…..rolled myself out of the store (nothing worthwhile on sale- lol) and while I was getting everything back into the car, an elderly woman came over to me (startled the crap out of me!) and said “I just have to tell you that I admire your courage, this can not be easy for you and I just admire you”.  Well, that just made my day!  It also made me realize that people are watching me (watching us) as we fight our way back to recovery and today I was proud of myself that what she saw was, me on a day that I felt strong and fearless!  Lord knows I have those days when I just want to shut it all down and stay in the house but those type of days are occurring less often.  I guess what I am saying is that I felt rewarded by her comment.  I conquered a task that I was afraid to do on my own and her compliment was like a little message from God telling me… I see you girl, keep it moving!  LOL.  I hope everyone else is doing well today 🙂

I have some exciting things to share with everyone………

Okay, here is the first thing and it has to do with feeling encouraged.  Over the past week or so, I’ve been watching videos that have been posted by members of Transverse Myelitis Folks.  These videos are posted on a private Facebook Group whose members face TM and similar conditions.  (If you need a support group, I highly suggest you apply for membership).  These videos have been so inspiring and have moved me to tears of joy in every single instance.  Watching them has given me the mental boost that I wasn’t even aware that I needed.  Thanks to all my TM peeps that shared your progress!

Next, I started physical therapy again last week and so far I am very pleased.  The facility is well equipped and the staff is personable.  I can not comment of the therapists just yet because I am just getting started but stay tuned – haha!.  The director of the facility (United Therapy Network) is a young lady that I met while going to a prior facility.  It was very good to see her at this new place because I had so much confidence in her previously.  So that made me happy!  She wrote my plan of care and so far I am pleased because we are working on equipment that will focus on further developing my core strength.  Being out and about has also motivated me to do more.

Next, my neurologist sent me to have leg braces custom made to assist me in correcting a condition called drop foot.  This is a condition that comes about as a result in muscle weakness.  When I take a step, my foot tends to drag some and my toe hits the ground and I trip over my own foot.  Ugh!!   Anyway, the braces are suppose to help correct this condition.  Here, take a peek…..

The bottom portion has to go into my shoe and the top part is secured around my leg just below my knee.  Because the bottom part is so wide, I had to get a larger shoe to accommodate the brace.   Uhhh yeah!  I had to get a size 10 shoe!!!  This just adds insult to injury….I already have skinny little chicken legs and now I have to put a size 10 shoe on.  This looks so ridiculous and I can’t help but laugh at myself!!!!  You may be asking where is the good news in this… well there isn’t any – hahaha!  When I put them on and tried to walk with them they caused so much nerve pain in the bottom of my foot that standing became unbearable.  I actually do better without them…. so I have to go back to the drawing board on this issue and try to find a different solution.   So much of my recovery is trial and error and I have learned not to let these situations frustrate me too much.

Next, my balance is improving.  When I am standing I don’t “weeble/wobble” like I use to.  I actually feel as if I’m standing solidly and if I feel like I’m losing my balance its getting easier to correct the beginning of a fall.   I really wish that I was further along in this area because then I would not be so afraid to walk with the walker more.  I am so afraid of falling and breaking something.  But I do see improvement and I am pleased about that.

I am most excited about this next thing because for me it means the beginning of increased independence.  This past Wednesday, I went to an event sponsored by Judy May of Incight.  It was a hand cycle clinic that was held at the Stroke Recovery Center in Palm Springs.  I got there too late to participate but while I was there Judy introduced me to a gentleman that gave me some advice to help me solve my problem of not being able to get my wheelchair into my car.  In the past, I would transfer from my wheelchair into my car and dismantle my wheelchair.  The problem was that I had to have someone else put the wheelchair parts into the back seat and trunk of my car because I could not do this myself.  This meant that I could get into my car, drive to a destination but once I arrived, I could not get out of the car or I had to have someone waiting on the other end to help me assemble my chair.  Well, after talking to this gentlemen and following his advice and pointers, I am able to perform this entire task all by myself!!!!!!!!!!  Come one people….. spell this with me…… F. R. E. E. D. O. M!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Thats it for now folks…..If you guys are reading this, please, leave me a note and let me know what is new with you.

Hello Folks,

On Monday, March 10th, the California Department of Motor Vehicles reinstated my license to drive.  YEAH!!!!!!  Of course, I have to use hand controls but that is just fine with me.  I feel as if I have a new found freedom.  I now understand fully that driving is not a right but a privilege and I am so grateful for the privilege.

Now, next hurdle is to find a wheelchair that I can breakdown and put into the car so that I can be fully mobile if I decide to go somewhere and get out of the car – lol lol.

Beep Beep!!!